Contemplating forgiveness

Thought it'd be pretty straight forward writing this blog entry once I started writing. To open a new entry and just start writing about the things which has been on my mind for a while now. It is not easy, for where to begin? When one thinks about forgiveness, doing your best, moving on - and in short: the feelings related to that...it is so not easy at all. It is so complicated.


Let's - for argument's sake - say that you have made some mistakes in your time, and may have hurt other people. Is it always straight forward to say sorry and be forgiven? Does it depend on the severity of the mistake? Is the context in which the mistake happened, essential? If you, at the time, did your very best...how long should you pay for what you have done? And should you, really?

Let me put something into context for you. A young mother with two kids and a man who drinks quite a bit. Is she to blame for all her mistakes? Working with kids, I have seen how some can be traumatized by growing up under such conditions, and those feelings are definitely real and justified. But how to move on? Imagine you're the mother in this situation, what would you have done and how would you feel if you got grief from your own children for all time? Also, imagine you're the child and how you would feel. It isn't really easy, to either imagine or understand.

Then, imagine your own life and ask yourself if you've ever made mistakes, even if you did your best from what you had available of resources and knowledge. If you honestly can say that you could not have done anything different. And while thinking of this, remind yourself that you might not know in that situation, what you know now. Is it fair to even call it a mistake, at the time? Or is it easy to call it a mistake, knowing what you do now? Do you see the difference? I strongly believe that every action, everything that happens, happens in a context and that you cannot always see somthing that happens as an isolated incidence (even if if happened more than once). Maybe there was something that you're not aware of, that had a big impact on what happened; other traumas, financial situation...whatever...

So far, so good. Mistakes happen and you might have done your best. But what about the aftermath? What about the feelings one strive with as you grow older? Some get angry, and that may be justified, but how to deal with it, how to move on? For some it might be right to pull away from what is hurting in a sort of "out-of-sight-out-of-mind-kinda-way". But can you truly pull away, og will you always carry it inside, deep down? Is there a third party that in some way always will remind you of what has been? Is there a third party that could be caught in the middle? Is it fair to them or just collateral damage?

Maybe there will always be some anger and resentment towards someone who did you wrong (or is it only until later that you realized that you wished it was different?) Then there's age... Some things, and this I know myself, can have a greater impact on you than others, depending on how old you are, how experienced you are, how mature you are and so on. And I'm not saying that to belittle the situation, just to bring some perspective into the equation. Because how long, and how much are you supposed to pay for things that might have been different, had the whole situation been different? (reminder: Things happen in a context) A month? Forever?

So how do you move on from the trauma, how do you cope? Maybe you need and feel you are entitled to an apology from whoever you feel did you wrong. Maybe you have tried to talk things through, maybe you just don't have the energy to do so. How can you really be free of the conflicted feelings? If you're expecting an answer from me, you won't get it - because I don't know the situation you are in. But I will tell you something about my situation. As many others in society, I was bullied at school, I was the uncool girl in class, I was often left alone and I got many hurtful comments from the kids at school. Did they hurt? Absolutely. It doesn't exactly lift your spirits when kids make hurtful comments about the age of your dad, the shape of your fingernails, the clothes you wear, things you say and so on. I was angry for a long time and I pulled away, but I always carried it inside. I always frowned when I hear a name of someone that bullied me. Today, at the age of 38, I can say that I've moved on. I can never forget completely, but I CHOSE (writing in capital letters as I feel the ord is so powerful) to forgive them. Maybe they didn't know better, maybe they were simply cruel. Honestly, at this present moment, I don't care. But the power of forgiveness is so strong, I tell you. Of course I wish it never happened, of course I wish they could take it all back and say they're sorry for what they did. But you know what? I really don't need it anymore.

Whatever happened back then sure did shape me in a way. It made me more aware of "the golden rule", and that I shouldn't do to others what I don't want others to do to me. For that I am in fact thankful. It has been a long road to get to where I am today, and a difficult winding road at that. But no matter how I twist the Words, everything in my past has made me what I am today, good and bad. Today I am darn proud of who I've become, and what I've accomplished. Could this apply to you too? Can you forgive someone like that? Is it possible. Absolutely. Is it easy?  Absolutely not. Can it help to talk about it? Absolutely. Is it easy? Probably not, it might even hurt a great deal. Only you can anwswer that.


I can only hope to bring some perspective to someone out there.

Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time to change what's been. To have some sort of time-machine to go back in time. But I don't and I can't. No matter how hard I wish, I cannot change anything in the past, it is simply not within my powers to do so. I can only control myself, and I have somewhat control over how I respond to things around me. I can only whange what I do in the present moment and plan for the future.

(in the philosophical mood today)

Easter: Milestones and memories

This Easter has been special in so many ways. There have been some milestones to reach and the memories have come as beads on a string. Some good, some sad and some in the middle of that. A lot of mixed feelings, that's for sure...

Seven years ago my dad died during Easter. How I miss him. He was truly a role model for me, my hero and my Dad. The Easter never quite gets to be the same again, but then again I ask myself what he would have said to me. He loved Easter, the family gatherings, the food, the feeling of spring, the walks...the list goes on. I believe he wouldn't want me to be sad, so I choose to celebrate him and remember the good times. Sure, I miss him and even cry as I do that, but I try not to let it get the better of me.

He worked as a plumber for many years and through him I like to think that I learned to be practical. Today I changed part of my sink in my bathroom as the old one was broken. I have recently started to paint my kitchen. Maybe he didnæt really care for painting, but that's not my point. He taught me to not be afraid of trying, he let me watch while he worked and I really do love him for that.

This Easter I also turned a huge milestone. Rikke, my oldest dog, have now been with me for more than half her life. I'd like to think of it as the better part, although she's had a nice life before I got her. How that dog has changed my life... Thanks to her I've found one of my greatest passions: the Portugese Water Dog. When I got her it soon felt like I had come home, in the sens of finding the ultimate purebred dog for me. If it hadn't been for her, I really don't know where I would have been today.

Another milestone:  Maja, my oldest Chinese Crested Powder Puff is halfway through her pregnancy and it's starting to show. I am so excited about this as it is my first litter EVER!

Milestone: Two years ago around this time of the year I was planning to move into the house where I am living now.

Milestone: Four years ago I was preparing the move from Trondheim to Romerike - the area where I grew up.A thank-you is in place to my friends who helped me move. They made an incredible effort driving to Trondheim and back not only one, but two times, to bring my stuff and store it for me until I got my house.

Milestone: Referring to my previous blog entry, I have also learned a lot this Easter. I attended my first Swedish Winner Show for dogs - it certainly won't be the last.

One more trip, one more dogshow, one more day with reflecting upon this and that

This is why I never really seem to get fed up with dog shows - it is never boring. I se loads of both wonderful dogs and dogs that should have stayed at home "show-wise", meet friends, other breeders, see silly behaviour around the ring or people truly happy for other people's success. Countless of educational conversations, meeting dogs that will be (and very well could be in the future) mated with my dogs in the future. This weekend I have learned so much and seen so much travelling to the Swedish Winner Show 2015 in Stockholm.

Even though I see a lot of silly and childish things - for example a BOS (meaning: Best of Sex, the dog of the opposite sex that don't get BOB - Best of Breed) and it's handler/owner not wanting to be in a photo of the breed's top two dogs is nothing short of childish and a sign of being a sore looser in my eyes. Of course the judge would accept the 30 seconds (max) that would take before continuing the judging in the ring. Talking about putting one's head out there for gossip - when it so easily could be avoided.

Setting that aside the weekend was wonderful, educational and really an example of the purpose of dogshows: breeders meet other breeders, conversations about choosing a puppy from a litter, seeing dogs that are eligible partners for each other for breeding and generally having a good time being around dogs and friends. I often make notes after a dogshow, to remember things that could be useful later on. This weekend was one of the best in a long time. I mostly enjoy time at shows, but this was special.

I travelled more than 1000 kilometres on my own in my car within 24 hours, showed my two dogs Portinbo's Amber The First Lady (Rikke) and Isostar's Fabel Om Eventyrvannet (Frøken, co-owned with her breeder) and they woth did very well in the ring. They both got Excellent and Rikke became 3rd best veteran bitch and Frøken 2nd best junior bitch. No winner-titles, but I still love them. They really gave it their "all" both inside and outside of the ring.

One more show under the belt - already looking forward to the next one :)

EDS 2015

EDS 2015
(The text will appear in English at the bottom of the document).
Prissettingen dere har satt til EDS 2015 er fullstendig horribel! Økningene ut over i året er vannvittige! Raseklubbene in Norge får henvendelser fra utlandet om at de ikke kommer på grunn av de høye prisene (til og med høyere avgift enn til Crufts!) I tillegg til påmeldingsavgiften kommer overnatting, transport og opphold.

Det kan være ganske risikabelt å melde på en hund såpass tidlig på året. Det ingen som vet hvordan en hund vil utvikle seg i løpet av året med tanke på hvilken klasse som vil være mest rettferdig for hunden å stille i. Hvordan vil NKK forholde seg til de som eventuelt ser at det å stille i en annen klasse/bytte klasse ville ha vært hensiktsmessig? Hvordan vil NKK administrere arbeidet med de som eventuelt vil ha krav på tilbakebetaling av påmeldingsavgiften? Spesielt når dette i mye større grad kunne ha vært unngått ved å ha en frist – hele året.

Folk ønsker å spare mest mulig penger på å melde seg på før 1/1-15, men kan fort bli tvunget til å melde på senere når spesielt januar og februar inneholder mange store og faste utgifter som tv-lisens, terminbeløp på forsikringer og så videre. Jeg stiller meg undrende til at NKK har satt opp frister med stadig økning av påmeldingsavgiften når det finnes så mange gode grunner til å la være – eller i det minste ha en frist og ett beløp hele året. Jeg tror NKK skaper mange, og unødvendige problemer for seg selv, ved å gjøre det på denne måten.

Flere raseklubber har planlagt rasespesialer samme helg, i lokalene, men blir nå tvunget til å føle de samme satsene – det er i alle fall det «ryktet» sier. Jeg håper inderlig at jeg tar feil her. Om folk ikke har noe annet valg, og må melde på ved siste frist, så koster det 1530 norske kroner å melde på EN hund! Da mener jeg selvfølgelig om en skal melde på både EDS og respektive rasespesial. Jeg utfordrer NKK til å nevne ETT ENESTE land i verden som tar like satser som dette ved påmelding til utstilling. Og jeg tillater meg selv å minne om de andre kostnadene også: transport, opphold og overnatting. Hva tror dere dette gjør med NKKs rykte (og Norges rykte som allerede fra før er frynsete og er et av de dyreste landene å være i)? Sånn reellt?

Det skulle ha vært interessant å høre hva Konkurransetilsynet hadde å si om dette, hvordan NKK utnytter sitt monopol i Norge. Det skulle også være veldig interessant å få ordentlige svar på spørsmålene som stilles i løpet av dette innlegget, og ikke bare standardariserte svar som «Leit å høre at du ikke er fornøyd. Ta kontakt med oss på telefon om det er noe du lurer på». Jeg sender innlegget også som epost, så dere kan svare der også. NKK har vært svært tilbakeholdne med argumentasjon for hvorfor de har satt opp dette regimet med påmelding og avgifter. Da er det ikke rart at folk snakker og opplever stor misnøye med organisasjonen.

I Fjellvettreglene heter det at «Det er ingen skam å snu». Det krevet ETT møte for å gjøre om på disse vedtakene. Tenk på hvor mye arbeid dere kommer til å spare dere for i månedene som kommer. Jeg vil anmode, oppfordre og innstendig be om at dere tar et møte på dette og setter ett beløp og en frist frem til arrangementet slik dere gjør til alle andre utstillinger dere arrangerer. 

Med vennlig hilsen, Lotte Werner Pettersen

In English:

The prices you have set for  EDS 2015 are outrageous! The increases throughout the year are scandalous! People from breed clubs outside of Norway turn to us to say that they are not coming because of the stiff prices (it’s even more expensive than Crufts!). In addition to the fees there are expenses related to accommodation, transport and other costs.

It may be quite risky to enter a dog so early in the year. Nobody really knows how a dog will develop throughout the year and which class that would be the best for the dog to be entered in. How will NKK handle the ones that might want to switch classes during the year ? How will NKK administer the work with the ones who might have the right to get their money back if something happens to the dog (and can be properly documented)? If you think about how you could avoid this by having one price – the whole year.

People want to save as much money as possible be entering before February the 1^st, but they might have to choice but to enter later on. If you consider that there are many fixed expenses during January and February: tv-lisence, insurances and other expenses. I really wonder why NKK have set this regime when there are so many reasons not to. Or at least have one price and one deadline the whole year. I strongly believe that NKK creates many, and totally unnecessary, problems for themselves by doing it like this.

Several breed clubs have planned their breed specialities the same weekend, at the same locations, but are now being forced to keep the same fees – at least according to the rumour. I really hope that I am wrong here. If people don’t have a choice but to enter their dogs at a later stage, it might cost NOK 1530 to enter ONE dog for both EDS and the respective breed specialities! I hereby challenge NKK to mention ONE SINGLE country that keep these high fees. And I allow myself to remind you of the other costs: transport, accommodation and other expenses. What do you think this does to NKK’s reputation? Really? And Norway is already considered one of the most expensive countries to live in.

It would be interesting to see what Konkurransetilsynet would have to say about this, how NKK uses their monopoly in Norway. It would also be very interesting to get proper answers to the questions asked in this blog and not just standardized answers like “Sorry to hear that you feel like this. Feel free to call us at anytime if you have questions”. I will send you this as an email so you have the opportunity to answer me there as well. NKK have been very restrictive with information and argumentation regarding this matter and there is no wonder why people talk and are displeased with the organization.

Norwegian hiking rules state that “There is no shame in turning back”. It only takes ONE meeting to reverse this matter. Consider how much work you will spare yourself of in the months to come. I will strongly recommend that you have a meeting about this and that you put one fee and one deadline for this event, as you do for any other event in your control. 

Yours sincerely, Lotte Werner Pettersen

-------------------

So far the fees are: 

Påmeldingsavgifter og priser:

1. frist		1. februar			NOK 590
2. frist		1. april			NOK 730
3. frist		1. juni			NOK 820
4. frist		1. juli			NOK 940
Norske raser/ Norwegian breeds		1. + 2. frist			NOK 350
Norske raser		3.  frist			NOK 820
Norske raser		4. frist			NOK 940
Valper/Puppies (6-9 mnd)		Alle frister			NOK 400
Oppdretterklasse(breeder's group		Alle frister			Gratis
Juniorhandling		Alle frister			NOK 250

Det gis også 30% i rabatt f.o.m 3 påmeldte hund registrert på samme eier. Rabatten gjelder alle frister.

Goodbye 2014! Welcome 2015!

2014 has ended, and I look forward to embracing 2015 with all the opportunities that lie ahead. On this day, I always stop and look back at the past year as I am preparing to enter the year to come. I will offer to take you through a journey with ups and downs, it is up to you to join me. It is hard to know where to start with this eventful year. A year ago, I promised myself to make this the year to follow my dreams, and start building a future I believe in. In retrospect, I believe I have succeeded. At the very least, it is a beginning.

 

In January, I started a course to become a canine instructor. This has been a dream of mine for a long time, and through this process, I have learned so much about myself, dogs and how to work with them. I have also gained a great group of new friends that I hope to keep in touch with for years to come. For this course, I trained my dog, Diva in basic obedience and together we grew together. She taught me a lot about training dogs, outside of the course, and I feel I have become a lot wiser about how to adjust methods to fit the individual dog – to get the most out of the training. In November I passed the exam, and now I can call myself a canine instructor!

 

A lot of my world revolve around dogs. It is not only a passion, but also a lifestyle. They truly make my life richer and gives meaning of life a completely new dimension. At least for me. Some things you can plan for, and other things you just have to go with the flow. Before 2014 I started working towards becoming a breeder of Portugese Water Dogs and Chinese Cresteds. I had been planning for some time to expand my pack and early in 2014 I was blessed with my dog Frøken. Her breeder, Laila Erlandsen, graciously allowed me to get part-ownership of her. Frøken is truly one of the most amazing dogs I have ever seen. To me, she is a very complete dog, with a strong personality and the looks to go with it.

 

Surely, I did not plan for my pack to expand at the rate is has this year, but for all those who have had their doubts about this: it is really working out. I have been very conscious of the individuals to enter my pack, not to get any conflicts or to disturb the balance between the existing dogs. In August I was fortunate to include Maja in my pack. She is a beautiful soul, which have had an amazing development during the time she has been here. She has become more outgoing towards people and other dogs and she has even come as far as to compete in freestyle! Maja and I share a strong bond now, and I am really looking forward to 2015 with her, as she also (hopefully) will be the mother of my kennel’s first litter.

 

Gorgeous little Kelly, also a Chinese Crested like Maja, came into my life this fall. The ones who meet her very easily adore her. She’s got an attitude about her that makes her really special to me. She has some exciting bloodlines for breeding as well and I am very excited to work with her in the future. She really holds her own with the other dogs in the pack, and they respect her boundaries.

 

Finally, Astro, my dream of a white Portie, came into my life. Sometimes you have a gut feeling that something is right. This is the feeling I had about Astro. Surely, I did not get a dog based on a feeling, but I simply could not let this opportunity pass. Today, when he has been with me for some weeks I can look at my pack and see that it is really working out. Astro really gets along well with my other male, Raio, and respects him when he says “enough is enough”. I could not be more proud of Raio. He is really the best male pack leader I could have. He plays with the other dogs and teaches them the rules and boundaries as well.

 

Rikke, my dear and sweet Queen is keeping a watchful eye over them all. At the age of 11.5, she never ceases to amaze me. She became a Swedish champion this summer, and she is so playful and active – her age considering. She is great at teaching “the kids” that she is THE ONE to listen to, and she makes herself very clear about that right from the beginning. Oh, my dear, sweet Rikke.

 

In 2014 I got a new job. Still as a teacher, but I got the opportunity to follow my dreams about teaching at a higher level. In some ways it feels like “coming home” as this is something I have always dreamt of. One of my greatest wishes for 2015 is to be able to continue in this job.

 

Several times through 2014, people have asked me how I find time for it all: work, the dogs, knitting and meeting friends. Sure, it is a hectic life, but it is all quite simple. With structure, planning and a great deal of passion – it works. It gives my life meaning and purpose. People have asked me about my love life and doubted that I’ll ever have time for a boyfriend. They have asked me if I even miss it, and sure I do. I am human as everybody else, and I miss someone to share my life with, and to take part in theirs. Even about this, I choose to be very optimistic for 2015. Sometimes you just know, even if you can’t explain it. You just know.

 

All of 2014 I have lived in my house and bit by bit it is coming together. My garden got a brand new fence for the dogs, I have started to lay the laminate flooring in the ground floor, two new veranda doors, some painting and the dog/grooming room is finally in use. It is a great place to live and that really hit me again tonight, on New Year’s Eve. Mum visited with her dog and my sister’s dog and it was really a great experience for all the eight dogs that were present. No stress, no anxiety and no worries whatsoever. The neighbours were ever so considerate and I am grateful for that.

 

So far it all looks like a picture perfect year, but like with so many other things, there is always other sides to the story. I have faced some though challenges as well. My back has given me trouble. A grueling case has clouded my days this fall, after I sold my car. Some people I used to consider dear friends have started to keep their distance. Uncertainty about the future at work is also quite difficult. Dealing with anxiety and depression has been the toughest challenge of them all. But is has also made me grow as a human. Not only in kilos (blah…) but in experience and outlook on life. I have made a few choices for myself and I have acknowledged a few things. I have gotten better at how to use my energy on things that I can manage, instead of worrying about things that are out of my control. I have chosen to take a more positive outlook on life as it really makes life so much better.

 

As this blog is coming to its end I want to thank every single family member and friend for all the memories from 2014, and I really look forward to creating new memories with each and every one of you.

 

I wish you all, a HAPPY NEW YEAR!